INSPIRED BY THE HIT REALITY SHOW FOLLOWING THE ADVENTURES OF WEST LONDON LIVING AND GOOD LOOKING PEOPLE... *

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

i cant believe there's no butter

norwegian butter crisis escalates as swedes arrested in smuggling scheme
the grim situation in scandinavia worsened over the weekend as the norwegian government, attempting to cling to power in the face of a severe butter shortage, arrested two swedes who'd been attempting to smuggle 550 pounds of butter over the border.


americans have so far largely ignored the crisis developing in the nordic countries: a faddish low-carb, high-fat diet, a bad year for dairy production, and the vicious and violent nature of life in the frozen north have combined to create a severe lack of butter—even as scandinavians are gearing up for their most-celebrated holiday, "christmas."
as always, in the face of such a crisis, a black market has emerged

(source: gawker.com)

Thursday, 1 December 2011

keeping up with the kooples

being a couple is so hot right now...apparently.




in completely unrelated news J has lost the weight (from the weight gain milkshake powder K had been spiking her drinks with) and is currently jet setting around the world promoting her new book. (http://thegrove-w210.blogspot.com/2011/05/how-to-become-efficient-business-woman.html) first stop canadia. apparently she has quite a large fan base there

Saturday, 19 November 2011

in case of emergency

we didn’t want to publicise this certain incident. however, after much deliberation, we thought there is no way our cause will be realised unless we shared the following with you.

we had a near break in at our w210 headquarters. the doorbell kept ringing and ringing (* 3) and we didn’t know what to do. i went to call the authorities (T was out getting lemons and i was left in charge) but to my surprise no one answered my call. in fact, it appeared that the number i called was busy. i guessed all the lines were taken up by other emergencies, and it was bad timing.

however, after some investigation, i learned that the emergency number in the united kingdom differs to the emergency number from my home land. i was out-raged … luckily we didn’t let the intruder in…. otherwise, our hypothesis is that we wouldn’t be blogging today.

as i researched the matter, i discovered that each country seems to have a unique emergency number. furthermore, it seems that each country can choose the number of digits that makes up the emergency numbers. for more information on what the emergency number is in your province please refer to wiki.


as a result of the above, we are petitioning for a global emergency phone number; one that is easy to remember and easy to dial. our preference is for 111 (as it meets our guidelines for emergency number characteristics).

but do let us know if you would like us to consider other numbers. entries close in 3 weeks. All correspondence will be charged at your average network charge + VAT + 5% ^

^ votes cast after the 3 weeks will not be counted, but might still be charged at your average network charge + VAT + 5%


in a totally unrelated incident, our new flatmate has now asked for her own set of keys

Thursday, 20 October 2011

congrats mr and mrs smith


*photo credit to the talented KW

# special thanks to Debs and JH for hosting the afterparty and letting us raid the mini bar

bananas can kill you


DW invented the banana diet whilst we were holidaying in barcelona earlier this year. Upon further research we discovered the dangers....




Thursday, 29 September 2011

do i look fat in this?

we headed to barcelona this weekend in honour of K and her impending nuptials.
things got a little awkward when 'someone' in the group gave a champagne induced confession that they may have feelings for CB (K's fiance) which i feel was the catalyst for the following string of incidents and admissions:
it came to light that K had been spiking J's coffee with her weight gain milkshake powder, (that K had been taking in order to not lose too much weight for the wedding/her dress ) for some time now. ironically J no longer fits in to her chosen outfit. photographic evidence showing T dancing around the flat in K's wedding dress was presented when T accused J of a skype related incident involving pineapples. chaos insued when J 'accidently spilt her drink over K's miu miu's...

but as the expression goes 'what happens in barcelona stays in barcelona', so the official statement is that a great time was had by all, and we are looking forward to the glamourous cotswolds wedding next month.

Monday, 12 September 2011

expose; little red riding hood

while walking to arts club last wednesday eve (http://www.nottinghillartsclub.com/wednesday.html) i spotted what i thought was a muslim women with a most attractive red coloured head covering (and black pleather bike pants). i was confused - something didn’t add up… however, as i got closer, i came to realise that the women had a striking resemblance to little red riding hood** (or what i imagine little red riding hood to look like when she got older)

i followed her (discretely of course) to her residence. it appears that, like other stars and good looking people, she has taken refuge and now lives in w210

as you are well aware (from our other blog entries), we try our hardest to ensure all we report on is as factual as possible. to that end, we spoke to the most intelligent person we know, mrs s strawberry (she is a chief executive). we showed her a pic of red ridding hood in her hay day (english saying meaning peak of her career), and the photo i took. as you are undoubtly thinking, the evidence speaks for itself

** for the foreign followers of the blog, red riding hood is a fable about greed, vengeance and seduction made famous in the 80’s. originally, it bought comfort to lots of french children (of peasants) in the 14th century. numerous versions of the story existed, including ‘la finta nonna’ … which translates into ‘the false grandmother’

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

we ♥ long weekends

hope you all had a great bank holiday weekend. we enjoyed some time in the country as we ventured outside of travelcard zone 1 on more than one occasion... kentish town was the venue for celeb photog chloe and husband Jason's wedding anniversary celebration (J and i cancelled our weekend on the french riviera at the last minute to attend). due to the nottinghill carnival, brunch club had to be relocated to another grove- hammersmith grove in shepherds bush- a place where children live, flowers blossom and wildlife, including ants and birds, roam free. despite this, myself, J, A and KW had a successful debrief session of the nights events as well as discussing KW's impending oprah appearance (she invented the popular chanel handbag diet and has a book deal in the pipeline)

to summarise a relaxing weekend was had catching up with old friends....
... it is always awkward bumping into your ex... but a great time was had by all.

Friday, 26 August 2011

guess...

...which former W2 resident, hairstylist to the stars and all round fashionista and bff is back in town for a fleeting visit next week?... if you guessed D then you guessed correctly.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

miss congeniality

while J attended to family business last weekend (aka crashed random house parties with A) i travelled to the small city of halmstad, sweden. the city has a population of about 55,688, out of a municipal total of nearly 90,000. one of halmstads notable natives is per gessle, (the dude from roxette), and of course i cant forget jorgen persson the table tennis player. not only is halmstad home to these legends but also the prestigious annual scandinavian dog pageant. close friends and former w10 residents HA and DA invited me over to give their adorable "daughter" elsa (and pageant entrant) some pointers. she was once the face of a premium dog food brand and currently is associated with a stylish dog accessories company.

however despite her success she suffers from self esteem issues as the dog modelling world is notoriously cut throat (not dissimilar to hand modelling). under my mentorship and tutorage elsa was a hit in the pageant and a great time was had by all- and lets just say its taking part that counts.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

exciting W210 recruitment opportunities...

to keep up with our ever expanding empire we currently have few positions available:


1) someone to open, sort and respond to fan mail. only good looking applicants need apply.

2) head gardener - must like plants for the most part and enjoy seasonal vegetables.

3) a MRICS qualified chartered surveyor dwarf- must be punctual, trustworthy, organised, good humoured and small.

please send all applications or suggestions to w210.thegrove@gmail.com


also our cleaner quit and we need a new one (once a week, preferably mondays)

Monday, 15 August 2011

the 80's are so hot right now

" Experts say the riots in Britain were probably trigged by nostalgia. “The 1980s are so hot right now,” said one. “We’ve got a big British royal wedding, famine in the horn of Africa, Madonna singing badly…. It’s totally 1985! Radical!”
According to sociologist and historian, Asbo Gunviolenz, working class British youth feel alienated by not having stuff they see in advertisements, and long for “a simpler time, long long ago, before technology, like the 1980s”.


“The mid-80s were a golden age of social upheaval,” explained Gunviolenz. “You just had to throw a brick through a window and you were hailed as a freedom fighter for literally hundreds of causes, whether it be saving the whales, ending apartheid, or ending whale apartheid.”

But, he said, global nostalgia for the Lamest Decade had seen a dramatic upswing in 80s-related trends.

“Is it significant that while Britain endures the biggest riots since 1985 we endure the biggest hair and shoulder-pads since 1985? I think not.”


He hailed the current remake of ‘Dallas’ as a major step backwards, but begged the Japanese government to stop trying to emulate the Chernobyl disaster with the policy of “reckless nuclear nostalgia”.

Meanwhile Bob Geldof has welcomed the return of the 1980s, saying he is thrilled at the prospect of “getting the old band back together to provide a soundtrack to misery in the Third World”.

“We’re already spitballing some lyrics,” he said, “although we’re battling to find something that rhymes with ‘Somalia’. ‘Ethiopia’ was way easier. Like, you know, ‘Let’s give Ethiopia some hope, yah?’ But Somalia’s a bastard.” "

http://www.hayibo.com/uk-riot-nostalgia-marks-return-to-1980s-golden-age-of-global-panic/  

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

summer fashion crimes...

here in the grove we love summer. nothing quite beats those few glorious hours of sunshine the great british weather provides. not only does this give us the opportunity to top up our tans (that originated in the med of course) we also get to show off our favourite summery ensembles...
as is the case with most things in life there is always that handful that ruin it for the rest of us- and by ruin i mean burning a hole through my retina and upsetting the atheistically pleasing balance i prefer. below is a handy guide of what not to do!
 
 
 
and as much as we love you iggy im not entirely sure this is appropriate...
 
 

if you would like to share your fashion faux pas with us, or that of others (or simply wish to send us fan mail) drop us a line at w210.thegrove@gmail.com

Monday, 25 July 2011

Ibiza Summer Special continued...

What Would Juan Do?

Our Top Tips!

there's a lot to see on the island and surprising contrasts so hire a car (and watch out for those side mirrors..)


drinks are very expensive in ibiza. take advantage of cheaper alcohol from the off licence*
*not while driving**
 **this has no connection to the side mirror incident

stylish hats offer sun protection




a tetanus shot may be necessary after visiting san antonio



dont blow £100K on a hiring a yacht however tempting it may seem at the time.




and even though youre on holiday dont forget your five-a-day

Ibiza Summer Special:

Our Juan and Only Guide to Ibiza
the votes are in...
beach with best view- Cala Compte



the best people watching beach on the island - Las Salinas




Aura- the best place to dine whilst potentially spotting footballers/wags/ wealthy "bohemians". amazing cocktails.

http://www.auraibiza.com/
 
 
 

top up the tan in luxury, with cocktails on tap and A list german celebs at Blue Marlin Beach Club.
http://www.bluemarlinibiza.com/
 
 
 
watch the sunset on the sunset strip of san antonio. cafe mambo or cafe del mar are good options. get your spot early, the islands people and boats gather- it's surreal! an added bonus is watching the horrific sights go past as san an is the chav/ tack/ hen and stag/18 yr old brit tourist capital of ibiza
 
 
 
checkout this interesting traffic circle in eivissa town.... try not to get arrested, or let your 'friends' use you for there amusements





and finally make sure you swing past Coco's for the worst pina colada you'll ever have and potentially catching syphilis from the loos
 

Thursday, 2 June 2011

birds are so hot right now...






....... http://fashism.com/looks/how-cute-is-this-little-bird-on-my-friend-tas

(check out the rest of AJG's REEM* website: http://fashism.com/ )

*- Reem – Joining vajazzle, ohshatuuuup and jel in the Essex dictionary, we now have the word reem. Invented inside the mysterious empty void that is Joey Essex’s brain, we’re not entirely clear what the term means, but apparently it’s a phrase of endearment. It may seem idiotic right now (and it is), but trust us, you’ll all be saying it in a couple of months’ time. As Joey Essex so poetically put on his Twitter account today, “Look reem… smell reem… be reem… Reem.”

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

w210 bumper african edition

in wedding news:

mil & tom (aka james) tied the knot this weekend, particularly exciting as tom (james) is no longer at risk of being deported.


the bridemaids, including J & T attended the ceremony via skype.

in movie news....

Blood Sugar - the movie
Following on from the hit movie franchise blood diamond, comes something that has been many years in the making. telling the story of indian slaves that were shipped to natal, south africa to work in the sugar cane fields in the late 1800's...my old friend AM was inspired to tell this story as we were driving up the north coast to a mutual friends bbq one summer evening. AM, durban born and of indian decent began telling me of his peoples struggle and history. he also decided to include a character with diabetes, a disease that crosses gender and race. like AM and i, we believe many people will identify with this story. although i have no indian blood in me (many are fooled by how easily i tan) i have a family member with diabetes and i enjoy bollywood movies.

directed by m. night shyamalan, soundtrack by A.R Rahman (of slumdog millionaire fame).


in fashion news...

african correspondant Z (paparazzo & modeliser) got these snaps of london local agynes deyn attending a fashion event in durban, sa. Z claims that he "sat front row and agy commented on his shoes". agy's people have not denied these allegations.